Friday, May 28, 2010

Man in the mirror (Brotin Tale 6)

For PART ONE go read Brian Miller's post at WAYSTATION ONE. If you just read this first or by itself, it will not make any sense!

I start to regain consciousness, but there is still a fog enveloping my brain. A strange scene begins to play out in my head. I sit back against the wall of the bathroom and while staring at the dilapidated woodwork, my mind begins to take me to another place.

I find myself at the front desk of Bill's Motor Inn, only things are very different. The hotel is sparkling and shiny, almost as if it were just built. A Carl Perkins song is playing on the radio in the lobby. It was not the clear crisp radio signal of the modern world, but that static filled AM broadcast which was common years ago. The parking lot is adorned with old cars, most of which appeared to be fifties models.

I approach the desk and ask the young woman for a room. Her name is Hazel. She is a very friendly teenager, obviously working through her summer vacation. There is no real concern about security or identification, she just asks for the payment and gives me a bronze key. It is the same room number that I am in now. The key is shiny and new, just like the lock that it fits in. The room is not well used. As a matter of fact, it is possible that I am one of its first guests.

I put my bags down in the corner and make my way to the bathroom. The smell of fresh paint greets me as I enter. It is so clean, but everything is also antique looking. The bath tub looks inviting. It is just the thing that I need to relax me after my day. I fill the tub with hot water and let my body soak up the warm sensation.

Suddenly I hear a noise. Opening my eyes, I look out of the bathroom and see that there is a man at the bed. He throws a case down on the new bedding and flips it open. The man reaches in and pulls out two guns and then walks over to the window and sneaks a peek out through the curtains. He is apparently nervous about something.

I don’t know what to do. Obviously the front desk gave two different men the key to the same room. When the man disappears from my view, I rise from the tub and wrap a towel around myself. I will have to go out and tell him about the mix up. I really have no other option at this point. I walk into the main area of the room and find the man peering out of another window with his back turned toward me.

“Excuse me,” I say, “I think that the front desk made a mistake.”

The man whirls around and immediately fires two bullets into my stomach area. I stumble back into the bathroom holding my gut. The white towel is turning red under my hands. As I look in the mirror, something suddenly occurs to me. This seems to be a memory of mine, but the image staring back at me is not me. It is the same man who I saw in the mirror behind me earlier. The same man whose image caused me to fall to the floor in this old hotel room. I realize that the man who I saw in the mirror was not the same man who had opened the case of guns on the bed. There were two different men in my original delusion.

The vision ends and I stand up. Staring into the mirror once more, I now see only the modern day version of myself. I am so freaked out by the event that I gather my belongings and head to check out. Maybe I will settle on one of those rooms with the key card after all.

I approach the front desk and find that there is an elderly woman working. There is something familiar about the old lady. As she turns to me, I see that her name tag says “Hazel”. There is a strange look in her eyes as she stares at me.

“Don’t I know you?” she asks.

“I don’t think so,” I say as I hand her the key.

“Something happened here when I was a teenager and you remind me so much of…… Well, never mind, it couldn’t be.”

“You never know,” I say while a shiver runs down my spine. “You never know.”

As I walk out of the lobby, the oldies station is playing a Carl Perkins song. It sounds so different on Satellite.

52 comments:

Brian Miller said...

ha. a brilliant conclusion....love the little tidbits you weave in from the songs on the radio...to hazel...a great conclusion man...

you are up first next so start thinking for something for may...

Titanium said...

Well done! A crackling, sizzling finish to Brian's excellent Part 1.

The details make this story reach out and question everything in earshot.

ReformingGeek said...

Good job, Guys!

Cinnamon said...

Hey Otin! Well done! I love the way you time-travelled!

Mighty M said...

Spooky stuff - I like! :)

Matty said...

I may never stay in a hotel again. Or at least look in the mirror.

Andrew said...

Quite the surreal take on Brian's start. Good one Otin.

Caty said...

A great ending to Brian's beginning. You two work well together. Great writing.. I'm glad I stopped by!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Very nice job Otin..... The tidbits weaved in are subtle and perfect..... like it really could have happened ;-)

Thanks for your nice comment about my late friend Mrs. Smith. You are so right, never take anyone for granted.

Have a fun long weekend.
jj

Magpie said...

Oh, you guys did not disappoint! Excellent job again...well worth the wait. But don't make us wait so long again. :)

steveroni said...

Sure would like to know what Hazel remembers from long ago. But, you never know, of course!

Masterful finish to Brian's, what a wonderful collaboration!

PattiKen said...

Wow, you guys are good! Stephen King, stand back. There's a new -- um, a couple of new -- guys in town!

I love stuff that toys with the dimension of time. This did that so well!

Unknown Mami said...

Well done. Both of you did an excellent job.

TALON said...

That was amazingly seamless and really well done. I love the time traveling - an excellent, spooky element.

ladyfi said...

Very spooky! Nicely done. And sad that Hazel is still there - her life ruined forever...

Tina said...

Great tale, but a bit creepy as I sit here in my hotel, on the road. Yikes. Don't plan to take a bath...Nicely done, Otin.

TechnoBabe said...

You two writers never disappoint that is for sure. I will have my sweet hubby read it because he is a huge Stephen King fan, we have all his books and hubby re-reads them often. Maybe someday we will have Brotin books to read???? Otin, be sure to read Eddie Bluelights post today and read my story in the Sunday Roast interview. You and Blueviolet are mentioned. Hope you like it.

sheri... said...

really good brotin tale, otin! it has the quality of a good hitchcock story...or twilight zone, maybe? i am really excited to see your work today...

Cheryl said...

This was a terrific ending to Brian's beginning. You guys rocked this!

Lisa said...

Great job-- The two of you make a very creative and entertaining team :)

CatLadyLarew said...

Brotin is back! But I confess, I have this feeling I need to go cover all the mirrors in my house now...

Mona said...

Ha! The ghost who walks! :)

Well done!

buffalodick said...

Motel rooms all hold secrets and stories!

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Twilight Zone. Just what I need to read while awaiting the stragglers checking in this holiday weekend. One day I will have to write about the murder that happened here a couple of years ago......... after I am no longer the owner. Not all publicity is good, although, there are those who are drawn to that sort of thing.

Kathy's Klothesline said...

Twilight Zone. Just what I need to read while awaiting the stragglers checking in this holiday weekend. One day I will have to write about the murder that happened here a couple of years ago......... after I am no longer the owner. Not all publicity is good, although, there are those who are drawn to that sort of thing.

Dakota Bear said...

That is a great conclusion to Brian's start at this time traveled saga.

Alice Audrey said...

Well done from the 50's cars to the shot to the gut. Good job, guys.

Monkey Man said...

Doo doo doo doo....very Twilight Zone. Great teamwork you two.

Baino said...

You put the two pieces together really well but so many questions . .Aww it ended too fast. Why? What was he doing? Who were the two men? What did Hazel know that she's not telling?

Tracy said...

Nice! I liked it a lot. You two have really knitted an eery tale here. I agree, it reminds me of the Twilight Zone.

Tom said...

freaky stuff...good ending

Jingle said...

awesome job.
enjoy the thoughtfulness in the end.

keep writing!

Ocean Girl said...

Last thing I remember, I was
running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
Relax, said the night man,
We are programmed to receive
You can checkout any time you like,
But you can never leave!

Great job Otin Brian.

Brian Miller said...

nice ocean girl...an apropo song reference...

Christina said...

... and now another reason hotel rooms creep me out.

Well done you two!

Ronda Laveen said...

I like the way you described the old timey referrences. Nice dimensional shifts.

Ed Pilolla said...

great conclusion. fun story. enjoyed the internal movement. glad i followed along.

Mr. Stupid said...

This was amazing. A perfect finish to Brian's part. Good job you guys!

Selina Kingston said...

Wow guys - I'm in complete awe!

blueviolet said...

Ok, again with the mirrors....thanks to your stories we can't have them in our house, and now we can't have them in hotel rooms. Are the cars safe?

I loved your ending and I love you!

Pat said...

Wow - love the way you ended this! Great collaboration!

otin said...

Blueviolet- Thank you, Baby! I love you so much!

The Retired One said...

Whoa!!! You guys had suspense all OVER the place in this tale...loved it. Poor Hazel.....she is trapped there forever..at least you two (three?) could check out!!! Great job guys!

Brian Miller said...

nope cars are not safe either...smiles.

Eternally Distracted said...

Great job Otin of Brotin. I've missed you guys and your fabulous tales :0)

Birdie said...

Otin, coming from Brian's for the rest of the story and it was worth it! Great job I did love it! Have a beautiful day :-)

AmyLK said...

What an awesome ending! Freaky! Thanks!

only a movie said...

Well done, Otin.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Very well done! I like these posts a lot! You two are a great team.

:)

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I love where you took the story, Otin! Brilliant ending to another awesome Brotin Tale! :)

natalee said...

This was sooooooooo good

CatLadyLarew said...

Since you're such a brilliant writer of fiction, I gave you a Creative Writer award. Feel free to stop by to pick it up!