The addict

Most people never fully recover from drug addiction, but that had not been the case for Jeff Harding. He had spent a good part of his late teens and early twenties wandering along 42nd street, frequenting the pushers and the sex clubs which dominated the landscape in the early 1980’s. It was a dirty and decadent place before Rudolf Giuliani came along and swept out all of the filth. It was a drug addicts Disneyland.

It was easy for a Jersey boy to get into the city. Buses and trains ran constantly and Jeff took full advantage of the public transportation. He spent every penny that he made or was given on whatever drug was available, but mostly he looked for the cocaine. It was his drug of choice.

Jeff’s family knew that he had a problem and tried repeatedly to get him into a treatment facility. He would never go, stating that he wasn’t an addict. The family knew better, but they could not force him into treatment. They also had a tough time admitting that their son was a druggie.

In the late 80’s, Jeff got arrested with a fairly large amount of cocaine in his possession. He went to court and was given a sentence of thirty days in rehab and two years probation. That was the day that changed his life forever.

While in rehab, Jeff met a worker at the facility named Lana. Lana was not supposed to get personally involved with the patients, but there was something about Jeff that just made her heart soar. He was full of ideas and his creativity was refreshing to her. She grew close to him and dreaded the idea of him leaving and going back out onto the streets. Lana decided that she would visit Jeff outside of the clinic. No one would have to know.

Jeff also had an attraction to Lana. They began talking on the phone constantly and spending most of their free time together. He rarely thought about getting high anymore. The euphoric feeling that he felt when he was with her was all the drug that he needed.

Jeff found a job at a shipping and receiving company and Lana was able to continue on at the rehab center. They soon moved in together and began a happy new life. By the time 1990 rolled around, Jeff’s drug days were a thing of the past.

The couple later married and brought a beautiful little baby girl into the world. They relocated to an area that was a little less citified. Jeff had gone from the American nightmare to the American dream in a period of only five years. Life was good.

Five more years passed and life had just gotten better over time. He and Lana were more in love than ever, and their daughter, Shauna, had grown into a sweet little girl. Jeff knew that love had saved his life.

One Saturday morning, Jeff awoke to the sound of raindrops on the bedroom window. He reached over to hug Lana and realized that she was not there. He looked at the clock and saw that it was 10:30 in the morning. Lana was an early riser and she frequently got up hours before he did.

Jeff put on his robe and slippers and walked down stairs. The house was empty and dark, due to the cloud cover outside. He saw a note on the kitchen table. Lana had written that she and Shauna had gone to the store. At the bottom of the note there were three Hershey’s kisses, and a few words written in crayon, which read: Kisses for my Daddy.

Jeff smiled at the thought of his baby taking the time to write those affectionate words for him.

His smile later turned to a blood curdling scream when he was informed that Lana’s car had hydroplaned into the path of a beer delivery truck and that his family had been pronounced dead on the scene. Everything that he lived for had been wiped away in an instant. Jeff wished that he had been in the car with them so that he would not have to face the future alone.

He barely made it through the funerals. His mother tried to comfort him but to no avail. There were no words that could mend his torn out heart. Gin was his solution. At first it dulled the pain, but then, eventually, his hurt found its way through the alcohol. He needed something stronger. He needed his old friend. It was time to take a trip into the city. He had not been there in years.

Jeff got off the bus at the Port Authority terminal and walked out onto the city streets. Even though things had changed, there was a part of him that felt like he was home again. It was as if his pain and sorrow had driven him back to this place. He began to walk down 42nd street. He had no idea where he could get stuff any more. No pushers came up to him on the street like they had in the old days and all of the strip clubs had been shut down. He wandered until dark trying to figure out where to score some coke, but nothing was the same as he remembered. It was a clean new world.

After hours of walking, Jeff ducked into an alley to pee. He stepped behind a dumpster and urinated against the wall. An old black man with dreadlocks and one eye that was clouded over appeared from the darkness.

“I don’t piss on your house!” He said to Jeff, almost yelling.

“Sorry, Dude. I had to go real bad.”

“There is a McDonalds across the street. They have a toilet. Now I gotta smell your piss till it rains again.”

“I’m sorry, but if that’s your biggest problem, then you have life by the balls. My life is piss.”

“Tell me why,” The old man said.

Jeff had no idea why, but he told the stranger his whole life’s story, even up to the part where he currently was in search for a coke dealer. He cried as he talked. When he finished, the old man told Jeff to wait there and then disappeared into the darkness. He came back a few minutes later with a small bag of white powder.

“This one is free today,” said the elderly stranger. “This is not like the stuff that you used to snort. Mix a spoon full of this with water and drink it. You will get the best high that way. Don’t do it here. Take it home with you.”

Jeff didn’t care if it was rat poison. He would take it and try it no matter what. Death would be better than the hurt that he felt. He thanked the stranger, promised not to piss in alleys anymore, and headed home.

When he arrived at the house, the first thing that Jeff did was to get a glass of water and a spoon and mix his drug. He drank it down and sat in his chair. At first there was no effect, but then the room began spinning. He made his way to his bed and laid down on his back. The high that he experienced was like no other that he had ever had. He imagined that Shauna was running around the room laughing and playing and that Lana was sitting on the edge of the bed. Lana later put the little girl to bed and then came back in and she and Jeff proceeded to make love off and on for the rest of the night. It was surely the best drug that he had ever taken. It was a very powerful hallucinogen.

When Jeff woke up the next morning, there were no adverse side effects. He felt fine. He went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of juice. He looked over at the kitchen table and immediately dropped his glass onto the floor, shattering it. On the table was a new note. It read:

Had a wonderful night last night, Honey. Hope to see you again tonight!

Under that, written in a different color crayon than he last saw, it read:

More kisses for Daddy.

Under that there were three fresh Hershey’s Kisses. An item which Jeff knew that he did not have in the house. He had gotten rid of them after the funerals because they reminded him too much of his precious daughter.

He was in shock. Reality and fantasy seemed to have crossed realms. Jeff needed to try to make contact again. He immediately poured a glass of water and mixed another spoonful of the drug the same way that he had done the night before. This time there was no effect. Absolutely nothing happened. Jeff had to have answers. He called in sick to work and drove his car into the city, not wanting to deal with the bus. He was in a hurry to find the old man.

Jeff parked his car on the street and found his way back to the same alley where he had pissed the night before. He feared that the old man might not be around, but it was all that he had to go on. Luckily, the man appeared right away.

“I tried that stuff and it was wonderful!” Jeff exclaimed. “Then I tried it again this morning and it didn’t work.”

“This drug is one of a kind. Every time you use it, you have to up the dose or it won’t work. If you start doing it more than once a day then you won’t get a good high. Just do it at night and you’ll be okay.”

He asked the old man for some more powder, and once again he gave it to Jeff for free.

Jeff went home and that night tried the wonder drug again. This time he upped the dosage a little and once again spent the night with his wife and daughter. He was in heaven.

Jeff began to make regular trips to see the old man in the city. He always drove in and always seemed to find the old guy in the same exact spot, almost as if he was waiting for Jeff to show up. He drove in at least once a week for the next few months. The stranger was still giving him the drug for free. It was kind of odd, but he did not want to question anything about his good fortune. Imagine a drug that had no ill effects, brought his family back, and was free! It was too good to be true.

The only drawback to the situation was the amount that he had to take to continue to get high. He was up to about a cup and a half every night. He had to drink three glasses of water in order to mix it all. On top of that, he was starting to feel weird during his work days. He got weak and shaky a lot, and became very thirsty all of the time. People had also been commenting on how pale that he appeared to be. He really didn’t care, though, as long as he could be with Lana and Shauna.

One night, after picking up his delivery in the city, Jeff spotted flashing lights in his rearview mirror. It looked like at least three police cars were coming his way at a great rate of speed. He began to get sweaty and nervous, knowing that he had a drug arrest in his past. He hoped that the cops were not after him. His hopes were dashed when they all dropped in behind him. He pulled over on the New Jersey interstate and cringed thinking about the sentence that five pounds of white powder was going to get him. He might never see his family again.

Jeff was ordered to stand against the police car while his car was searched. An officer held up a bag of the powder and walked toward him.

“What do we have here?” The officer asked him.

“I really have no idea what it is,” Jeff answered. He was not lying. He never did find out what he had been taking.

The officer took out a pocket knife and put a small slice in the bag. He touched his finger to the powder and then put it to his tongue.

“What is this, a joke? You think this is a funny prank, sir?” The annoyed policeman confronted Jeff.

Jeff was confused.

“What’s up, Tony?” the cop who had been watching Jeff asked the officer who had just tasted the substance.

“It’s just a bag of powdered sugar. We stopped this guy for a freakin’ bag of powdered sugar!”

The policemen searched the entire car and came up empty. They found a tail light out and gave Jeff a ticket out of frustration. The cop with the bag of sugar handed it back to Jeff.

“You know, if you want powdered sugar, A&P sells it. You don’t need to go to the city for it. Either you are really dumb and just got hosed by a dealer, or you are very lucky. Either way, we’ll be watching you,” The officer said, sternly.

They all drove off. Jeff knew that he had dodged a bullet, but also wondered how he was getting high off of powdered sugar. He decided not to question anything and to keep doing what he had been doing. And that is what he did, for the next year. He asked the old man what was in the powder one time, but the man just smiled and never answered, so Jeff never asked again.

By the time the year was up, he was ingesting huge amounts of the drug, and although he was happy to see his wife and child, he was getting sicker and sicker. One day at work, Jeff collapsed and fell unconscious. He was taken to the hospital and his mother and father were notified. They immediately rushed to his side.

The doctors determined that Jeff had fallen into a diabetic coma and were not sure that he would ever come out of it. Apparently his body could not take the huge amounts of sugar which he was feeding himself. His parents were grief stricken. They moved him to a nursing facility hoping that one day their tormented son would come back to them. They often stared at Jeff’s blank face and wondered if he had any thoughts left.

They would be happy to know that their son did have thoughts. Wonderful thoughts! Jeff’s days were now filled with Hershey’s Kisses and laughter from there on out. He made love to Lana every night and held Shauna in his arms all during the day. The drug had done it’s job. It had put him in a place where he could be with his family constantly. He hoped that he would never wake up again. This was all the reality that he would ever want. His wife and daughter were the high that he had always searched for.