Analyzing a few sayings

Let's analyze some stupid statements:

Money can't buy you happiness -

No, it can just buy you everything you need to make you happy.

You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar-

Does anyone actively hunt for flies? I mean I kill them if they show up, but I don't make a sport of it.

His bark is worse than his bite -

If something actually bit me, I'm pretty sure it would be the worse of the two choices.

Beggars can't be choosers-

Tell that to the politicians! They beg for your money and votes and then decide how you can spend the rest.

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush-

Unless it's a live vulture

Curiosity killed the cat -

What's the big deal...it's got nine lives anyway.

different strokes for different folks -

sounds like a bad day at the nursing home.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you -

This gives me license to rude, obnoxious and ignorant.

Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy. wealthy, and wise-

it makes me tired, sore, and grumpy!

Every cloud has a silver lining-

it's called lightning.

Your eyes are bigger than your stomach-

I'm an Italian guy from Jersey, who are you kidding?

Okay, I know you're getting tired of this, so two more..............

The pen is mightier than the sword -

I've never seen two Ninjas go at it with a bic before.

There's more than one way to skin a cat-

I saw this on a menu right before I ordered my General Tso's Chicken.

The Life I Chose

Aching muscles and frozen toes,
I can't complain, it's the life I chose.

Sometimes witty, often a fool,
I picked hard knocks to be my school.

To old to change, that's probably true,
bills to pay, some over due.

If I could, I would post-haste,
A mind's a terrible thing to waste.

A man can dream, what's the harm,
at least until the clock's alarm.

Get up early, work in the mud,
Come home at night full of crud.

Eyes are heavy, no time to write,
Why must life be such a fight?

I shouldn't complain, that is true,
I have a job that gets me through.

But it's still tough, as everyone knows.
To have regrets of the lives we chose.